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Listening to: DEAR AGONY Album ~ Breaking Benjamin
Reading: (NEED MORE MANGA TO READ)
Watching: (NEED MORE ANIME TO WATCH)
Hey everyone, I've been very inactive lately, I'm sorry I've been massively busy do to life bullshit. Getting through college, editing and playing games to make me happy when i'm stressed, still fighting with my family members, keeping friendships in check,
TO the people who gave me the b-day wishes on my b-day. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you guys giving me wishes, when it was technically the worst day of my life, turning 20 and my parents and family members giving me shit all around. But i'm not here to talk about that... I'm here to talk about something that pretty much traumatized me for this entire year of 2014. This year was an absolute wreck for me, I know it's not even over yet. But, when you go through something like this it tore me to shreds this year. I already told this to several people, you guys remember my last entry about Mike/halofan and Micheal/thepiebaker. Well their involved in this story, and it's not a good positive way. I already told this story to some of my closest friends, I was planning tell the rest of my friends (like 3 people you know who you are) but I figured, its time to tell this story of what happened first week of spring quarter this year 2014.
So this is how it starts, I'm in a Skype call with Mike (I think you can now distinguish the two different Michael's, Mike=halofan1377/culprit mc dingle balls, and Michael/thepiebaker.) But, I was in a skype call with him, we were just chilling, but I don't remember how the little argument started what we started arguing about, but I do remember I was angry enough to leave the skype call, and leave my computer to go buy a smoothie. Did I mention where I was? I was in the computer cafe on campus, so its a public gaming room... I don't remember if I add this in my journal entry about them, but me and Baker have been fighting for had been already fighting at this time, this little fight between me and him saying that "i'm irresponsible, selfish, and hypocritical" started in like February or early March, this event took place in like late March or April. Me and Mike, have been fighting for over a year, or I was still annoyed by the things he does and what he usually does in the party when we as the group, and how he pretty much tries to pick a fight with everyone with his opinion go on a rat about shit on how much everything sucks type bullshit, in other words if there's something I like and understand, he doesn't apparently he just goes on bullshit and misses the complete point. He does a horrible job understanding shit. That's why he's so clueless, not to mention did I mention he's an over the top pervert? I mean we as the group keep fucking telling him to fucking stop looking for a girlfriend or rushing relationships or else he's gonna keep going through stress and pain. (he like meets a girl of a sudden with a few days he starts calling her his FIANCE and starts ugh I don't know the full details and then when the relationship fails he bitches about it, I recently talked to my some of my left over friends in the group, EVERYONE IN THE GROUP IS PISSED OFF AT HIM AND WON'T TALK TO HIM. THE ONLY PERSON TALKING TO HIM NOW IS GUESS WHO FUCKING BAKER, he things girls are objects, makes him a massive perverted sexist, he even did things very recently where I can't ever talk to him ever again now) I wish I added that into my last journal entry, or did I? I don't remember, I'm not gonna bother re-reading that to find out. But, anyway, that might explain how I was SOOOO mad at him at that time, hell I'm still pissed at him right now.
But, anyway moving on with this event, i leave the Skype call, I get up and was gonna buy a smoothie to cool off and then call him back. Well guess what? Some random guy was in the room, (yeah there were people in the cafe at the time some people, when i was in the Skype call using my mic) so this random guy was ease dropping on my conversation with my friend (btw i do not know this person at all, and i don't want to know cause what he did is just you'll find out).. This guy was ease dropping on my conversation with Mike, and i'm on my way to buy a smoothie to cool off of how raged I was, the guy then just says to me "YOU JUST GOT TROLLED LOSER, HAHAHAHHAHA" Okay, he maybe have not said "loser" or laughed, but it sure seemed like it. SOOOO that escalated my anger faster a lot higher, and then I say while standing completely straight with rage in my heart and a giant scowl on my face, "Don't talk to me, unless you want to get your neck twisted." He said some other things, but I don't know what he said, I didn't even lunge or attack him. I just walked away and went to buy a smoothie, well the thing is I didn't really buy a smoothie I just went back to my computer walked by the guy who was still sitting there and sat back down. So a few minutes later that fuck was gone, (for the record guys, i'm not really the fighting type, but when someone is being a dick or trying to pick a fight with me, i will stand my ground, I even admit my mouth is such a pain, the things i say is gonna be the death of me) So, I was like "you know what i'm going back to my dorm room, next thing you know this asshole called the cops on me, and i had a cop that was standing right in front of me right when i was leaving. So I get introuble for "threatening" which I was doing i was telling the asshole to "BACK THE FUCK OFF I'M MAD." I'm not the type person to fight people, but when people piss me off in the world, I want to that sort of thing. UGH PEOPLE JUST DRIVE ME INSANE! So that cop is going through my things seeing if i have any weapons, but you know what? I don't, and i'm pretty much throwing a mental break hoping this guy doesn't charge me with a felony or some shit. I was scared as shit, I was once stopped by cop one time while driving this same year, luckily no driving ticket thank god, I was going a little fast. But, this i was really scared, so I start crying, talking all suicidal, and I was just SOOOO nervous I was just going MAD! So instead they bring me down to the mental hospital, the good thing was I was this close ( ) to being a arrested saying something I don't mean to say. WTF? SO THIS GUY TATTLES ON ME LIKE FOR THAT WHEN I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT SAY SOMETHING TO HIM TO BACK OFF, HE DIDN'T READ THAT I WAS PISSED OFF HE DIDN'T SEE THAT, AND NOT TO MENTION HE BULLIES ME MORE, THEN I THREATEN HIM TO MAKE HIM BUG OFF AND HE CALLS THE COPS LIKE A LITTLE BITCH???? If I ever meet this guy ever again, I'm gonna give him a very long rant of what shit i went through that day.
So and ambulance, AN AMBULANCE!!!!!!!!! Drags me down to the mental hospital, and i was pretty much crying the whole way, I was strapped to a freaking whatever they call him medical beds in that thing, then brought to the hospital and put in a little room with a bed... I was SOOO upset! Later on, some of the workers come in to talk to me, I was there for 3 or 2 hours IDK luckily they took me back to my dorm, through a taxi... Cause well I don't have much friends here to pick me up. I was diagnosed with a stressed reaction, I was already stressed enough at the time, not just with me and baker fighting, but also with my parents, family, still getting through college and just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRGH!!!!!!!! A STRESS REACTION! Who wouldn't be stressed from that? I was brought back to my college, guess what the fist thing I did was? I pulled out my phone, and called baker to ask for some comforting, even back then I still looked up to him as my big brother, even if we were going through an issue. He didn't, he still said "I still have no respect for you, go help you self." I cried for the rest of the night, and cried myself to sleep.... btw this was 7 in the evening that day.
Almost a month later, I GET THE FREAKING BILL! You know what? That was probably the second most stressful... I WAS SCARED TO TELL MY PARENTS, i had no money whatsoever, because you know why? All that money I worked for last summer was taken out by tad ah! My mother, now i know they are trying to teach me responsibility and not go on a major spending spree, but the only reason why I buy those things its because games make me HAPPY and satisfy me. NOT TO FUCKING MENTION IT'S MY GODDAMN MONEY!!!! She even just recently like a few weeks ago took all that money I worked really hard for THIS SUMMER! Just because i'm struggling a little bit with my classes, BALANCING IS SUCH AN ISSUE!!! I told my parents, of course they were mad, gave me a long painful lectures, and I just *headdesk* I had to pay for that bill this summer, but thank fuck my parents for giving me my insurance information, which pretty much saved my skin.. I still had to pay for like a bit of it from my paychecks working on the dairy, this summer, also this summer I had to pay for my freaking car and shit.
But, yeah this ruined my year, this traumatized me for the whole year. Now I really don't like getting out at all, now I pretty much hate socializing with people in real life, it's why I hate people. I"m so sick of people giving me looks, bullying me, looking at me like a criminal. JUST BECAUSE! i have different interests, act differently, and do things a different way. And people are saying that's "not normal" my psychology teacher this quarter I remember saying is "There really isn't a thing called normal, everyone is unique and different in their own way, embrace it." It's so hard to embrace it, when everyone around me treats me like shit, gives me shit, or just doesn't understand me. You guys wanna know why I hate myself so much? Because of my bully of a little brother, Justin. Also being bullied in high school repeatedly (either through verbal or being beat up ;- Even typing this makes me upset. It's just I don't know guys, I don't feel that talented in anything, I really don't have much things I like in college hence why next quarter i'm taking a break to get a job and re sort my life, I don't have much friends here, cause everyone is just. i don't trust anyone in real life anymore. The only person i trust is my best friend Jacob from high school, at least he stuck by me. We have our differences, but at least he accepts me for i am and understands me. Also don't forget about my online friends that still support me, Bryttany, Savvy, Draco, Sean, Travis, Diren, Lauren, Kirsten, my cousin Brant, and even Sean's brother Zack, there are others too, but at least they've shown there support and comfort. Cause It's so hard, actually impossible to get through life when everyone around you even your own parents looks at you like your a criminal for being different.
For anyone is subscribed to my YT channel, know this. I have a vent amv planned to the events that happened this year, and I'll be using Bleach and Danny Phantom with the song "Hymn for the missing" by RED. And obviously I would encourage them to read this entry and the last entry about my friends that turned their back on me. After typing this entire, journal I feel like balling my tears out, or finding a punching bag and taking my frustrations out on it... There's more I wanted to say, but typing this and raging and just, kinda upsets me. I feel rantaged out. I really don't have much to talk about, I also notice that my grammar and spelling is messed up in this entry, but i'm not gonna bother fixing it.
I hope guys understand, it SO hard to type this, this day really upsets. It was like the WORST DAY of my life probably ever that i can remember. And this happened this year in Spring. My head hurts from writing this, so I hope made all the story points clear.. And yeah, I'll cyu guys around. BTW I WAS REFRAINING FROM SAYING THE N WORD SO HARD! (btw this guy was white)
So, let me know in the comments who is the real criminal in this equation and who was the victim. ME, Mike, or that random guy. (don't know his name nor do i care) By the way, like I said I was scared to type and share this.
See you around.
I'm done i'm gonna make myself a bowl of ice cream to make myself happy right now. Thanks for listening,